Understanding True Love between Two People

Understanding true love is not easy, especially the love between two people. The understanding of true love takes a lot of time, patience, and the readiness to accept each other when there is love between two individuals.

There are many kinds of love and each depends on what we feel for another. There could be love that you may have for your parents, children, pets, friends, relatives, or just about anyone, other than the love between two people.

The topic about true love is so wide that it gets tough to pen down within a few words, but I will try to focus today’s post on how we can understand true love or the love between two people.

 “We really have to understand the person we want to love. If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love. If we only think of ourselves, if we know only our own needs and ignore the needs of the other person, we cannot love.” ~ By Thich Nhat Hanh

Starting with the very basic – what does love mean to you? How do you relate to love and what do you feel about it?

What is Love?

Simply stated, love is the feeling that you feel for another, which comes from within. Love is the emotion that makes you blush and feel elated, makes you feel on top of the world and just not yourself anymore!

Love is profound and shouldn’t be treated lightly. It is a natural wonderful feeling, and so powerful that it can cause us pain.

Love shared between two people creates an awesome feeling that wraps us and makes us very protective of the love we have.

Sometimes love hurts because we stop thinking of ways to keep the fondness burning, to keep it safe. Love is not one-sided and you can never win in the game of love, which is the saddest part.

Love between two people is a shared feeling about their interest in one another. It is not about jealousy, conflict, testing, instead love is a positive feeling.

It is the total surrender of your heart to another person when you have that confidence that they will treat your heart better than you will.

Love feels good, not bad. It should want to make you a better person, not lead you to do something damaging. It makes you glow and soar in spirit.

Love knows no limits, no boundaries, and no limitations. It is unconditional, limitless, and always flowing. We can’t avoid getting hurt in love, but just as Tennyson said:

“Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Love between Two People

Understanding true love takes time, and though you can never find out your feelings or the feelings of another person about love, there are some signs that show that love between two people is blooming.

• You know that love between two individuals is present, because you have been told by your partner and your feelings are returned in kind.
• You feel joyful and serene when you are with your partner.
• You try to find ways to be romantic with each other, not only on Valentine’s Day, instead make each day as good as Valentine’s.
• The objects of your affection and love makes you feel good about yourself, and you feel so special.
• When you feel jealous you don’t let that thought come to you because you trust your partner. You know that your partner won’t hurt your relationship or betray you.
• When you quarrel with your partner you normally make up within a few hours. You believe that nothing is more important than being able to express your true feelings, even if they causeconflicts.
• Both you and your partner don’t feel the need to test each other’s feelings or loyalties.
• Your partner doesn’t ask you to choose between your loyalties to your friends and family and him/her. And if you do choose your partner over them, you have a valid reason and it’s based on your decision alone.
• The love shows when you are more of yourself when you are with your partner, rather than when you are with somebody else. You become best friends with your partner.

When you see love between two people, something is moving, changing, and flowing. They live in an aura and their vibrations reach one another even if they are not together.

In such kind of love sometimes there is no need for words as there is a deep understanding prevalent between two people. Instead, there is an exchange between their souls or a soul-to-soul connection.

“Love is like the sunrise; hope appeared at the same time on two faces and in two souls connected by the same wonders and tears of life.” ~ Mariana Fulger

Speaking of myself, my husband and I do have our problems and small conflicts. But we make that sincere effort to work things out by talking and trying to resolve issues.

I won’t say I have a full understanding of true love yet, or there is a soul connection between us, but I am close and working towards it. I guess when both sides work towards one goal, things do happen.

Understanding True Love

My heart really hurts to read and see so many people breakup and move on, because the love between both people was not strong enough. I guess their lack of understanding of true love led them to this situation.

For me, true love is all about the willingness to accept another for who and what he/she is, even if they are totally different from you. And yes, accept them willingly and happily without really trying to change them. If need be, you could try to change yourself or accept the change and adjust.

“True love is born from understanding.” ~ The Buddha

Some traits that are usually present when there is love between two people are as under:

1- When you are ready to sacrifice your needs

True love is about being ready to sacrifice your own requirements and desires for the one you love, and put them before you. You are ready to make small sacrifices for one another, because you love them so dearly.

2- When you are ready for commitments

True love is the keenness to commit, forgive and be forgiven, to engage in and maintain understanding within the relationship, and the willingness to enter into a long-term commitment.

3- When you are ready to accept one another

Most importantly, I feel true love is the readiness to accept the shortcomings in your partner without any conditions. It is also the willingness to reveal your own imperfections without the fear that you will be evaluated or rejected.

4- When you are able to open up yourself & share things

When you are willing to be vulnerable where love is concerned, you are opening yourself up to another person. This means that you are disclosing things about yourself that you don’t know will be taken up well.

It is about sharing everything of your past, present, future dreams and hopes, good and bad times, desires and needs, material possessions, emotions, and just about every smallest of your life with your partner.

5- When you are content and secure

Where there is true love, you know and feel loved. You know that the love is true because you feel content that where you are, is a safe and secure place.

6- When you are compassionate towards one another

True love is also about being compassionate towards your partner, to be able to heal old wounds, and to ease their pain and suffering. You help them overcome their fear and hurt.

It sure is that feeling you get in your heart when you see your loved one in front of you, which makes an instant connection when there is love among two people.

7- When you are patient and gentle

When there is real love, you will be patient with the one you love, because you love him or her. And such patience is visible in your actions.

True love is also gentle as its character is to care and cherish one another. One of the most loving actions is a gentle touch that conveys a great deal. Or even things like correcting the one you love in a gentle manner – shows that you care.

8- When there is sheer joy

There is absolute joy in the smallest of things like when you wake up next to your partner, or even during tough times, when you should be grateful that you have your partner beside you.

Understanding true love is all about making the love between two people shine right through. Your partner should be able to make you laugh when you want to cry, and they should be able to hold you even when you make them mad! (I know this is really tough!)

True love listens; it always waits, and is patient, kind, caring, joyous, and free!

“True love begins when nothing is looked for in return.” – Antoine De Saint-Exupery

I know that it’s tough to understand true love, and along with love comes the hurt and pain too. I wanted to continue writing about why does love hurt in a relationship, but as this post is already long enough, I shall be writing about it next week. So, look out for next Friday’s post on why love hurts!

So, though understanding true love between two people is tough, but it’s not impossible. And once people learn about it they cherish it lifelong, as true love is the greatest gifts in the world.

Over to you –

Have you been in love? If so, what was your experience like? Did you have trouble in understanding true love? Do you feel that the love between two people is incomplete without a proper understanding of true love? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Read More

How to Talk to a Girl You Like for the First Time

Having a crush on a girl can make you very shy around her, especially if you don't know each other well. Here's how to strike up a natural conversation with the girl you like.

STEPS

1.   Make eye contact. Spend a few days catching her gaze every now and then. Don't just stare at her, though; instead, shoot her small glances until your eyes meet and she catches you. When she does, smile slightly and look away after a second. You'll probably blush as well, which is all the better - blushing indicates you're nervous, which is a hint that you like her.

2.  Time it right. When you do talk to her, pick a time that's convenient. Don't try to get her attention when she's obviously involved in something else, and try to have a bit of privacy - you don't have to be completely alone, but her attention shouldn't be too distracted.

• Make the interaction extra casual (and put a time limit on it) by talking to her while you're both walking somewhere else. If you walk to a class at the same time as her, or you start walking the same way home, this is a great opening.

3. Start with a compliment. Paying a girl the right compliment makes your intentions clear right away - she'll know instantly that you're interested in being more than her friend. Here are some things to consider:

• Know how to deliver a compliment. Even the best compliment in the world will fall flat if your delivery is off. Keep a half smile as you talk - it will make you naturally add appealing inflection to your voice. (Try this trick out when you answer the phone sometime and see if you notice a difference.) Maintain eye contact with her, and keep the tones of your voice up, but lower the actual volume - speaking softly immediately communicates intimacy, and it can make her instinctively lean in closer to hear you. If this all sounds a bit difficult, practice it in front of a mirror first.
• As anyone who's ever had a stalker can tell you, there's a fine but definite line between flattering and creepy. With this in mind, choose your compliment wisely. Saying something like "You always look amazing in that shirt" can come off as weird if you don't know her well, and implies that you watch her. (Even if you do, it's best not to spill that information immediately.) Instead, opt for something general but cute, such as "Your smile is glowing today. What's making you so happy?" or "I thought what you said in class earlier was really interesting." A good compliment should naturally lead to more conversation, instead of just hanging awkwardly in the air after you say it.
• Know what to avoid. If you're going to pay a girl a compliment about her physical looks, stick to her eyes, smile or hair. Do not comment on her body otherwise, especially on the first interaction.
• If you want to play it extra safe, pick something you already know she's proud of. For instance, if you know she's a dedicated violinist, say something like, "I've heard you're an amazing musician," and use it as a way to ask her some questions about it.

4.  Keep the conversation moving. You might be tempted to stop talking and just stare at this girl, but don't let your nerves get the best of you. Allowing a long lull in the conversation will make things feel awkward.

5.Instead, have a mental list of backup questions you can use if you stumble on an uncomfortable pause.

• Ask about what she thinks of a shared homework assignment or an upcoming event. Asking for her opinion communicates that you care about what she thinks, and see her as more than just an object.
• Use the conversation to find out more about her, but be subtle. For instance, if you want to find out if she already has a boyfriend, you could casually ask, "So, anything fun planned with your boyfriend for the weekend?" If she doesn't have one and she's interested in you, she'll let you know immediately.
• Ask open-ended questions. For instance, instead of saying "So, have anything fun planned for the break?" (which can be answered with a short "yes" or "no"), say "What are you going to do to keep busy while school is out?" A question that requires a detailed response is always better to keep a conversation flowing.

6.  Make her laugh (optional). If you're sure you've got a joke she'll appreciate, give it a shot. The goal is to show her you have an engaging sense of humor, but you don't want to come off as desperate or cheesy.

• If possible, crack a joke about the current situation or something you both saw happen. Situational humor is more meaningful than a joke you read online.
• Don't tell a dirty joke. It's not appropriate for a first conversation, and it might give her the wrong impression.
• If she doesn't get the joke, don't explain it to her unless she asks. Just move on quickly with a new point of conversation.
• Good humor is really attractive, but bad humor is a complete turn off. If you can't think of a joke that makes sense with the situation at hand, leave it alone

7.Close the conversation early. Follow that old saying - "Always leave them wanting more." Find a way to gracefully duck out of the conversation before it goes stale.Good luck!

Video

• Avoid the friendzone. Starting off the conversation with a compliment immediately lets your crush know that you're romantically interested, not just looking for a platonic friendship. Skipping this step puts you in danger of residing in the friendzone.
• You should be kind, nice, gentle, sweet and thoughtful, and not just flattering. Most important of all, talk to her like a normal person, and don't feel awkward in the heat of the moment!
• If you're talking with her and having a great conversation, but another guy walks up and hugs her, then gives you "the look" ... well, that's okay! You can still be friends, so that when they break up, you can comfort her and maybe, later, become her boyfriend.
• Don't start off with something regarding his or her personal life, like "How are you and your boyfriend going?" It will seem invasive and rude.
• Some girls like to make it a bit of a challenge. If she seems a bit distant but hasn't explicitly done anything to indicate she doesn't like you, don't give up just yet.
• Learn conversational skills from other wikiHows to have effective conversations.
• Sometimes, an awkward moment can actually help spark a conversation. Just make sure that it isn't awkward to the point of making your crush avoid you, only enough that you can either spark some conversation or help your crush out of the awkward moment. This can help someone admire you for not just pointing and laughing at them and will earn you respect.

• If the girl isn't interested and says so, don't keep pressuring her. Move on in order not to appear overbearing and to avoid unnecessary conflict.
• Also remember that each girl is different; therefore, there is no specific set of steps to magically get all girls you like to like you. The reason she likes you is because she likes you for who you are. So just be real, do not fake interests or things that you do or know.
• If you make the mistake of talking to her for the first time over a web chat or email, don't panic if she seems creeped-out. She is just surprised you're finally talking, and even more surprised it's online. There still might be a chance you can have her. Just do as you'd normally do and talk to her as if there's nothing to it.

Read More

How to treat behavioural disorders in children

Are you observing weird behavioural changes in your child? Is your child’s behaviour very challenging, difficult to control and different from how a normal child will otherwise act? If this is the case, then you must start look for various symptoms, to check if the child is suffering from any behavioural disorders. If your child continues to struggle with reading, writing, doing maths and shows an array of inimical, aggressive and troublesome behaviour for a very long term, then you really need to look into the matter.

All children are aggressive, troublesome, unwary, defiant and naughty which is very ordinary. But if the same behaviour reaches a level where their activities can be categorized as abnormal and out of the normal beat for their age then definitely ‘behavioural disorder’ is the culprit for that kind of behaviour.

According to various studies and researches conducted, it has been estimated that one in every five children suffers from some or the other mental disorder which can be identified and treated with right guidance and medical help. Both biological and environmental factors may be responsible for the same. It is quite common to find behavioural disorders in children or adolescents and it can be effectively treatedwith ease, by combined effort of the community and family.

It is very important to treat children with behavioural disorders when they are young and growing or they might end up being ‘dysfunctional adults’.  Since there are many different kinds of behavioural disorders and they all have many intersecting symptoms, so initially it is a bit difficult to identify which particular disorder they suffer from. So, the first step is to identify the disorder and then accordingly look for its diagnosis.

Though the treatments are multidimensional, there are some factors which if paid heed to, can help treat behavioural disorder in children:

Parents should educate themselves better about the disease and learn how to communicate and manage their children.

The family and community in general must help the child control his feelings and conduct.

The child must be corrected from time to time so that proper social skills like how to converse and cooperate with others can be inculcated into him.

Teaching your child stress management and anger management is of utmost importance. If you get indications of frustration, anger or violence in your child, make sure you deal with him calmly and coolly. Gently, make him understand, how aggression and violence is bad for him and others.

Make sure you recognise and cater to their personal needs. For e.g., Your child might be poor in dealing with numbers or he might be a very struggling learner. In that case make sure you cater to his needs by providing him with a professional support.

Repeated failures might lower the confidence of your child. In that case, try to be very supportive towards him and keep encouraging him to boost up his low self-esteem.

Apart from all this, seek professional medical help in case you observe frequent display of impulsive behaviour which is very tough to handle. Consult a paediatrician or a child psychologist or may be child psychiatrist.

Remember, with extra care, love and attention by the close ones, mental health disorders like behavioural disorder in children can be treated very easily. Just make sure your child is loved and paid enough attention, to be happy and satisfied in his life and you will see his condition improving very swiftly.

Read More

How Cell Phones Help in Building Relationships

We all yearn to have a connection with those we care about. Many regard it as disruptive and destructive in respect to relationships and time in todays, world. Yet studies reveal a completely and totally different outlook of it. It happens very often that you forget your cell phone at home, and thus once you are out, are feeling lost and incomplete without that small device in your hand or pocket. Such has become the advantage of cell phones in our lives. It cannot be called an addiction. It is simply the necessity of a cell phone we feel in today’s world. It is more of a need than any luxury or interest. Cell phones affect our lives in a great manner, both in the positive and negative way. Yet, when it comes to advantages, especially in communication and building stronger relationships, the list does not end.

The first step towards building relationships is to know how to talk. The more we talk, the more we learn how to talk and that is how our communication skills get better. This in turn helps in interacting with people in a better way, and with time we start relating to people in a much efficient manner. Also, parents are constantly in touch with their kids through phones. Just imagine a world where your parents had no idea what you were doing on this earth and ruin things for you once you were backing home. Cell phone helps removing this problem by keeping parents up to date of their child’s security, thus not ruining and destroying the relationship between a parent and a child, as parents always feel a sense of security and joyousness once they know that their kid is safe and sound.

Nowadays, cell phones are not just phone calls; they’re about messaging, video, songs, games, alarm clock, notes, calendar, reminder, etc. all the above aspects like messaging and sharing of videos, songs and various other media entertainment enhance a relationship between people in a much better and sober manner. With the help of such tools in a cell phone, one stays in touch with their loved ones all throughout and whenever they feel like. Not only staying in touch, but two people can get rid of their loneliness and have fun over such media entertainment over the phones like sharing of videos, songs, or playing games. Also, nothing more than a cell phone comes to your rescue in the case of an emergency. You are driving along the freeway and the vehicle jams and right there your phone stays with you for the rescue. In an kind of emergency or trouble, the cell phone acts as a medium to get you through the person you need the most in that particular situation, thus enhancing the relationship between you and the person who acts as your savior in that situation. Stay connected anytime and anywhere. The most basic benefit of a cell phone for which most of us use it is that we can stay connected with our loved ones in any part of the world and anytime. Gone are the days when we used to stand in queues to make an STD or ISD calls. This service available in cell phones help people in a very great deal and is one of the most sought after service, as it helps in the sustainability of relationships to an immensely large extent.

Hence, cell phones do have their own cons too, but when it comes to the enhancement of relationship, it has done a great deal of advantage to people all across the globe and surely has a long way to go by attaching itself to people’s emotions and value in the everyday life.

Read More

Virtual Relationships

Connecting with another individual is a basic human instinct and in current times we’ve been fuelling this instinct of ours by connecting with people online via different social-networking websites, blogs, forums and the ever active chatrooms. Internet is an integral part of an individual’s life these days and communicating over this medium seems to be the preferred mode of communication for this generation. Hence, quite possibly one can find a mate online and be totally happy and satisfied with a virtual relationship.

Evolution can make us do things we never imagine ourselves doing, but today straying online is not something new. Several reports clearly indicate how people are open to so many options and possibilities that in a way they are forced to ‘click’, which if in real life was an option, they would’ve decided against it. However, people across all ages and gender are spending more time on the internet trying to know certain people better, clearly who they find interesting. Also, internet knows little about boundaries, and the kind of information available these days on an individual online gives you more insight on the person than a real conversation in a real situation. ‘Sexting’ makes up the fun part in these relationships and most of them tend to start off with this. Surprisingly, people then move onto knowing more about the person and then, if possible meet the person and establish a real life relation, else carry on with the virtual affair. Even corporate relations these days first tend to initiate online before any sort of meeting. A major factor driving people into virtual relationships is the facility to be completely anonymous under any light. People love to create a good ‘first impression’ and the web offers them with a possibility to present them in whichever/whatever way they want. Not an ideal way to seek company, but if you’re certain and happy with the details available, a virtual relationship may work for you.

On the other hand you have a larger section of people discarding the existence and credibility of a virtual relationship, considering it hardly worthy enough of a real relationship. What one needs to understand is, words can help you establish a connection with another individual and you can well share thoughts, expressions and emotions, but transforming this connection into a bond to live your life around, you’ll need the person to be around you and with you, if not now, sooner or later. Our sense to see, touch and feel can only be in an equation if another individual reciprocates with these same senses. How technology tries to beat this fact of life, one can only wonder! And it’s one’s own decision if one wants to log onto love or rather fall in love.

Read More

Ethics of a Live-in Relationship

According to dictionary, “Ethics is a branch of moral philosophy, which involves systematizing, defending, and recommending concepts of right and wrong behavior.” In the dawn of the 21st century, a lot of discrepancy has roused regarding the concept of ‘live-in relationships.’ Thus, India is one of those countries which is at a snail’s pace opening its doors for western thoughts and lifestyles. And one of the most crucial chapters among them all is the concept of live-in relationships.

Though people are still of the view point that it is against the age old customs and traditions for man and woman to reside under the same roof without the institution of marriage. They feel it is a degeneration of the moral ethos. The irony is even though people tell that it is against the Indian tradition to go for live in relationships, Lord Krishna and Radha were engaged in live in relationship.

What exactly is this concept all about? Basically, live in relationship is an arrangement via which two adults decide to live under the same roof for a long term basis. For today’s youth, they don’t believe in the trial on error method of knowing each other after marriage. For divorcees are still not given a proper position on today’s world. So why take a chance, when one can live happily ever after, after giving it a try before marriage. People feel, “it is better to have a live in relationship, rather than having a divorced life”. Live in relationship is now being hailed as a pragmatic move for it is easy to move out of a live in relationship unlike a marriage.

Most couples are attacked by family members. This is basically a subtle hint to the societal taboo against pre-marital sex. People feel that if woman loses her virginity before marriage, she might be rejected by other men and her existence would be quite harrowing. Though, in today’s world live in relationships are quite common, but people are still prejudiced against it. They feel it is a sinful act to go against the institution of marriage.

Though many critics have termed it as promiscuity, there is prevalence of live in relationships among many of the tribal clans in India. We may term them as primitives, but their society is much more modern and flexible than ours. Survey shows that most men who have opted for a live in relationship have experienced ultimate freedom and has grown matured enough to respect others beliefs and values and not trespass their boundaries.

When two individuals are in love with each other and want to move in to a house to know each other better, the bonding grows stronger and the emotional attachment increases. Although social scientists have shown some concern towards the men involved in live in relationships. They are of the view point that what if the men do not turn out to be loyal at the end of the day, what will happen to the woman involved? Taking in account the conservative nature of the Indian society where arranged marriage is always given the priority, will the woman be accepted? Like it has been mentioned above, the whole society revolves around the basic foundation of the woman’s virginity. It is the symbol of how pure she is. She might be of a very bad nature, but her trademark is the hymen knot which is still intact and undisturbed by any stranger.

In situations that revolve around couples of homosexual nature, they might never get married for the society shall never accept them. It would make their existence more grotesque. These are some of the rare situations of a live in relationship where the couple is unable to tie the knot due to the pressure of the society. It is still considered a blasphemy by the Indian society to have children. In olden times there would be a problem with the inheritance of property for the fathers would disown their children if they committed such acts. Nowadays things are very liberal for the youth’s decision is backed by the government.

It is still better not to get pregnant while engaged in such relationships. It is essential to use birth control pills and condoms during sexual intimacy. It is much more joyful and satisfying to get married on will rather than for the fact that you got pregnant. Moreover, the kids do well if they are born post marriage and everything is well planned rather than occurring out of a mistake. Whether you are married or not when you become a parent, your family will be strongest if it is fully intentional.

It is vital to talk with people who have been married for a long period. They will be able to give proper advice and suggestion regarding the institution of marriage. They will be able to clear all your doubts regarding marriage and also share about the problems they had face and still face. Thus, the insights of a long term marriage can provide a good reality check.

However, even live-in relationships come under the inspection of the moral contingent leaving very little options left to the couples actually staying together. So nothing in this world is left with privacy. Every step one takes is guided by the scornful eyes of the elders. When will this end? Everyone has the right to live and enjoy freedom. For some people live in relationships is a form of freedom. The elders have no right to deny them of their right. Thus, to offer justice, plenty of laws have come up. These by and large provide justice to the people who are engaged in the live in relation. Therefore, this concept is rooting up day by day and strongly requires legal support.

Read More